My mind has melted.
I can focus on nothing.
My mind has melted.
I feel that I can't keep up. I'm sick of task after task after task after task. I need a break!
I experienced the joy of VBS! But I have little time to reflect, as VBS was just another thing for me to do. Harry Potter Seven has been released! But I don't look so forward to reading it, as reading is just another thing for me to do. I'm doing things I love. I'm working with youth at the church. I'm running most every day. I'm editing videos. I should be very happy, but I'm tired of it. Everything feels like work. My mind has melted.
I try to keep up on things like adding to this site, but that too just feels like something else to do.
Where am I going?
What can I do from here?
Where does God lead me?
Can I still serve him with a melted mind?
Or must I continue to trudge through the sludge of neural matter that once held so strong to its visions?
Wow, sounds like you've been in a pickle. What I've noticed from my experience is that when I think that I just can't go on - the Lord steps in and rescues me. I've often wondered why the Lord puts me through these times of painful disassociation, but I’ve come to the conclusion that sometimes we need to acknowledge that we are nothing without him. I thank God for the times that I have been humbled because it helps me to realize just how much I need him. I can not trust on my own passion, energy, and vision to keep me going in hard times, but I can trust in him. I trust that he will be with me even when I don’t feel his presence. I trust in his promises and I find comfort in knowing that he will never leave me even though I sometimes don’t feel him next to me because of my weaknesses and imperfectness. If he is my fortress then who or what can be against me?
I will be praying for you my brother. May God give you the comfort of having faith in his presence and plan for your life.
Blessings in Christ,
Joel M. Saucedo
Thanks for your comments. They mean a lot to me.
It's been over a month since I first posted these, and I must say that I am doing quite a bit better. I have these times of frustration all too often. I feel I'm moving in a good direction, though. I will keep your words in mind as I continue. Thank you so much for your prayers and support.
Nick
¡De Nada Mi Hermano!
My grandfather, Andres G. Saucedo, was 94-years-old when he had a massive heart attack. It became my job to give him this news in the emergency room. Although my grandfather was old, he had a very sharp mind and he new that a heart attack at his age meant his death. When I told him, he hunched over, sighed, and began to sob. I didn't know what to do and I felt so bad. I grabbed his hand and told him to remember his faith, remember the faith of his father, and remember the faith of his family in Christ. He took a deep breath and began to recite "Jeovah es mi Pastor y nada me faltara" The Lord is my Shepard and I shall not be in want - Psalms 23. Then he recited "Alzare mis ojos a los montes ¿Dónde vendra mi socorro? Mi socorro viene de Jeovah." I lift my eyes to the hills, where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord - Psalms 121. Before long he amazed all of us and he began to sing hymns and corritos (religious folk songs). He clapped his hands and ifted his arms to praise our God. He thanked the Lord because he is good - "Dios es bueno!" He thanked God because he knew his whole family was Christian and saved. He thanked God because in times of trouble and despair the Lord never left him. His last consejo (advise) to me before he passed away was to always help each other maintain our faith. When he took his last breath he had a look of comfort on his face that I will never forget. It was the comfort that only an eternal life (salvation) can give. There is nothing in this world that is more important than faith in Jesus Christ.
Bendiciones,
Joel M. Saucedo
This is an amazing story. Thank you for sharing. Jesus Christ lives. He lives in each of our hearts forever. May the peace of Christ be with you always, and may we continue to share and grow at all times.
Gracias Joel, mi amigo y hermano en Cristo.
Nick